Need to write, need to write; need to think some
I have a daring heart with a head that's sure to spin. I'm always losing myself and seldom found. the pulsing of my veins keeps me in tune with the here and now. My book is closed and my thoughts remain dust-covered. I hold truth by it's neck and I cannot let it go. No part of me is wrapped around anyone's finger aside from my hair. I hate to say that I told you so. Catch your breath. Now, what to you mean, what do I mean?
We'll sink 'em fast
Everything is just beginning for me, it is.
My mind is sharp and my back is strong, I'll be victorious. I'm going to win.
I'M TIRED.
My mind is sharp and my back is strong, I'll be victorious. I'm going to win.
I'M TIRED.
You know you're from Regina...
"Although you may have signed up for Biology or Environmental Science, Mr. Steiner's class tends to be more about serial killers, random YouTube videos and the color red."
"You can name almost every Zbiegien in order."
"Kreager versus everone else"
"atleast once in your high school career at regina you have plotted to get into the convent unnoticed " ACCOMPLISHED*
"you say the word "clowns" and everyone around you shudders."
"you've seen Sr. Karen cry at least once "
"you're not the only one that thinks Steiner has a little too much time on his hands in order to watch all of those youtube videos and all your class consists of is pro surfers, lion hunts, and steroids."
"You pair teacher-teacher relationships...no matter how desturbing they are... " Wing Wong and DeCorps
"You know somebody has a bottle of hot sauce stashed in their purse." Roshawnda/Monica/Ellen/Me, ALWAYS*
"freshwomyn is spelled with a "y" "
"You feel like a piece of your sole lives there." <33333333333
No matter how much the teachers put me down, all the rumors spread, all the shit-talking, all the hallway break downs, all of Steiner's creepy comments, DeCorpo's prayer posture and Mrs. Lelli's OBNOXIOUSLY RIDICULOUS EXAMS, I miss the times I had at RHS. I love knowing as soon as I walk through those doors Mrs. Robinson greets me with a hug and a "Welcome back baby girl, I missed you sugar" ALWAYS. That is love right there.
Ellen; I miss seeing you everyday along with toomy. You made me feel like such a BA just walking around school with you. You dress code breaker, you. Always makin' lunch special, lending an ear whenever I needed to talk. You were always there for me, and you still are.
Julie; softball/pizza/crashing baby showers. I think and worry about you everyday, I hope you're okay. You know I'm always there for you, right? I hope you read this, because I love and miss you so much. Softball was an experience and a half. Breaking down, eating ourselves sick, and bringing back food for the team had to be the highlight of the season. Or beating Gilmore twice in a row. Disliking you "freshwomyn" year had to be the stupidest mistake of my life.
Meg; COTTTTONNNNNNNNNN. Ha, we are boss. Although, you're bossier. Swear it. I miss your smile. You had the liveliest soul, no one could be sad around you. I had the most difficult year last year, and you were a big contributer to me getting through it, even if you didn't know it at the time. You're an amazing friend to Julie, you really are. Without you I don't know where she'd be, because you're so much stronger than I am. Little wonder, is what you are. Stay you, stay true.
Jess; we both left, you to Cincinatti and I to NDCL. But I miss you as much as anyone else. You always protected me and made sure no one gave me shit for being who I am. You formed my back bone, basically. I miss seeing you in the halls only to shove me into lockers then buy me cookies at lunch when I would actually eat. Freshman/sophomore volleyball were the best two seasons of my life. High flyyyyer~ You helped me be better than I was, thank you thank you thank you even though I haven't played in ages. Don't be disappointed.
"You can name almost every Zbiegien in order."
"Kreager versus everone else"
"atleast once in your high school career at regina you have plotted to get into the convent unnoticed " ACCOMPLISHED*
"you say the word "clowns" and everyone around you shudders."
"you've seen Sr. Karen cry at least once "
"you're not the only one that thinks Steiner has a little too much time on his hands in order to watch all of those youtube videos and all your class consists of is pro surfers, lion hunts, and steroids."
"You pair teacher-teacher relationships...no matter how desturbing they are... " Wing Wong and DeCorps
"You know somebody has a bottle of hot sauce stashed in their purse." Roshawnda/Monica/Ellen/Me, ALWAYS*
"freshwomyn is spelled with a "y" "
"You feel like a piece of your sole lives there." <33333333333
No matter how much the teachers put me down, all the rumors spread, all the shit-talking, all the hallway break downs, all of Steiner's creepy comments, DeCorpo's prayer posture and Mrs. Lelli's OBNOXIOUSLY RIDICULOUS EXAMS, I miss the times I had at RHS. I love knowing as soon as I walk through those doors Mrs. Robinson greets me with a hug and a "Welcome back baby girl, I missed you sugar" ALWAYS. That is love right there.
Ellen; I miss seeing you everyday along with toomy. You made me feel like such a BA just walking around school with you. You dress code breaker, you. Always makin' lunch special, lending an ear whenever I needed to talk. You were always there for me, and you still are.
Julie; softball/pizza/crashing baby showers. I think and worry about you everyday, I hope you're okay. You know I'm always there for you, right? I hope you read this, because I love and miss you so much. Softball was an experience and a half. Breaking down, eating ourselves sick, and bringing back food for the team had to be the highlight of the season. Or beating Gilmore twice in a row. Disliking you "freshwomyn" year had to be the stupidest mistake of my life.
Meg; COTTTTONNNNNNNNNN. Ha, we are boss. Although, you're bossier. Swear it. I miss your smile. You had the liveliest soul, no one could be sad around you. I had the most difficult year last year, and you were a big contributer to me getting through it, even if you didn't know it at the time. You're an amazing friend to Julie, you really are. Without you I don't know where she'd be, because you're so much stronger than I am. Little wonder, is what you are. Stay you, stay true.
Jess; we both left, you to Cincinatti and I to NDCL. But I miss you as much as anyone else. You always protected me and made sure no one gave me shit for being who I am. You formed my back bone, basically. I miss seeing you in the halls only to shove me into lockers then buy me cookies at lunch when I would actually eat. Freshman/sophomore volleyball were the best two seasons of my life. High flyyyyer~ You helped me be better than I was, thank you thank you thank you even though I haven't played in ages. Don't be disappointed.
Free
Sometimes, a kind word or two can warm three or four cold winter months.
So do this; go. be. love. this world needs you.
tothoseilove
me: what if I ripped out your heart?
you: then I would say that it’s yours to keep.
me: but what if there was only half of it there?
you: then I would find the other half and give it to you.
you: then I would say that it’s yours to keep.
me: but what if there was only half of it there?
you: then I would find the other half and give it to you.
<3
This has always been my favorite;
My eyes shouted out what my mind couldn't say. My heart thumps "I need you, I need you. Don't go, don't go"
Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.
And here you've stayed.
My eyes shouted out what my mind couldn't say. My heart thumps "I need you, I need you. Don't go, don't go"
Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.
And here you've stayed.
Can't get this straight
You caught me at a very strange time in my life.
I'm pushing words around my plate. Playing, I don't know how to use them properly.
You write beautiful things, you leave me breathless, you're a re-occurring thought one thousand times a day, you are real, you are genuine, you make me think, and wonder. You have the softest, most comforting touch, your lips and fingertips. I don't like when you leave, this you know. You make me scream at the sky, you make me want this. You make me want you. I told you to take a risk here and there, because I'm afraid to take them and I wanted to see if you'd jump with me. You jumped, you found me. I'm trying to say that I'm giving myself to you because we deserve each other. We deserve this love. I need you, and I won't pull away, either.
Wild hearts, we both are; unconquerable souls, not easily broken. My smile won't fade, it's all this hope to be with you that's making my face ache.
I'm pushing words around my plate. Playing, I don't know how to use them properly.
You write beautiful things, you leave me breathless, you're a re-occurring thought one thousand times a day, you are real, you are genuine, you make me think, and wonder. You have the softest, most comforting touch, your lips and fingertips. I don't like when you leave, this you know. You make me scream at the sky, you make me want this. You make me want you. I told you to take a risk here and there, because I'm afraid to take them and I wanted to see if you'd jump with me. You jumped, you found me. I'm trying to say that I'm giving myself to you because we deserve each other. We deserve this love. I need you, and I won't pull away, either.
Wild hearts, we both are; unconquerable souls, not easily broken. My smile won't fade, it's all this hope to be with you that's making my face ache.
Not getting it
If I know what I want out of life, why am I not going after it? Why am I sitting around waiting for it to happen? Like a shooting star, or a stray eyelash; can I wish my life into what it should be?
I'm full of questions and there isn't an answer for one of them. I feel hypocritical. I push people. I push people so much they exceed farther than anything they could have ever imagined. WHY CAN'T I DO THAT FOR MYSELF?
It's true what I say, I can help anyone and everyone but myself.
I need to write meaningful things.
I need a revelation.
I need a push.
I need sleep.
I'm full of questions and there isn't an answer for one of them. I feel hypocritical. I push people. I push people so much they exceed farther than anything they could have ever imagined. WHY CAN'T I DO THAT FOR MYSELF?
It's true what I say, I can help anyone and everyone but myself.
I need to write meaningful things.
I need a revelation.
I need a push.
I need sleep.
Hmph
I just want honesty.
Punchline, snare drum, forced laughter; life can be such a bad joke. More cliche than fairy-tales.
I don't want the lies.
I scream at the sky.
But it's beyond me, what I want to see. Perception seems like my only reality.
Punchline, snare drum, forced laughter; life can be such a bad joke. More cliche than fairy-tales.
I don't want the lies.
I scream at the sky.
But it's beyond me, what I want to see. Perception seems like my only reality.
An easy swing
There's too many keys and not enough locks in this world. Seems to me it's so much easier to lose yourself than to be found by another.
My hopes are tattooed to my eyelids, for when I close my eyes I see the sky and everything underneath it for what it really is; beautiful. My heart knows me more than I could have thought.
And to whoever said that things like this just don't happen, you're a liar. A horrible liar.
My hopes are tattooed to my eyelids, for when I close my eyes I see the sky and everything underneath it for what it really is; beautiful. My heart knows me more than I could have thought.
And to whoever said that things like this just don't happen, you're a liar. A horrible liar.
Ramble ramble raaaah
I'm sorry, but is that not the most fitting picture for this blog? It's marvelous!
Lately I'm enjoying lots of things;
Scarves, white chocolate peppermint mochas, bobby pins, blackberries ze fruit, french vanilla mint gloss, cigarettes, putting weird things through my ear, deep passion, illogical motives, big big beds to not sleep in, you, falafel, passport to peru, late night conversations, insomnia, juicy couture/having Ida make fun of me for saying it weird, Christmas cards, driving anywhere, Wendy's, nikon d40x, weekends, leggin's, FURRY BOOTZ, tea; lots of it, sing-a-longs, libraries and so much more shit I can't even remember.
Life's been good, can't wait for break. It'll be a good time.
Ida and I went shopping today, we found the perfect jumble of stuff for Ayla, and a Juicy bracelet for Daira. Who just so happened to love it, after we forced her to open it early. And while we were there, her mother tried to make me wear her slippers because I'm an idiot and didn't wash any socks. Haha, what a woman.
Also, it's Yahoosh's 21st birthday. YAAAAAAY FINALLY!
Not much has been going on. I haven't had any motivation to write anything, besides what I think of people. Not their personalities and such, but their function. What they are, etc. I'll have to think on it some more and write later.
Scarves, white chocolate peppermint mochas, bobby pins, blackberries ze fruit, french vanilla mint gloss, cigarettes, putting weird things through my ear, deep passion, illogical motives, big big beds to not sleep in, you, falafel, passport to peru, late night conversations, insomnia, juicy couture/having Ida make fun of me for saying it weird, Christmas cards, driving anywhere, Wendy's, nikon d40x, weekends, leggin's, FURRY BOOTZ, tea; lots of it, sing-a-longs, libraries and so much more shit I can't even remember.
Life's been good, can't wait for break. It'll be a good time.
Ida and I went shopping today, we found the perfect jumble of stuff for Ayla, and a Juicy bracelet for Daira. Who just so happened to love it, after we forced her to open it early. And while we were there, her mother tried to make me wear her slippers because I'm an idiot and didn't wash any socks. Haha, what a woman.
Also, it's Yahoosh's 21st birthday. YAAAAAAY FINALLY!
Not much has been going on. I haven't had any motivation to write anything, besides what I think of people. Not their personalities and such, but their function. What they are, etc. I'll have to think on it some more and write later.
GOAWAY.
"It kills you to know this world it owes you nothing. So just forget what you’re expecting, you’ll find half what you deserve."
P.S.
My biggest secret is that I'm happy knowing with every step I take, I'm farther and farther away from you.
Another is I've dreamed about perfection being people doing something to benefit others first, before themselves.
The third big one being serenity found it's way to you. But it found it's way through me. I'm secretly happy you're okay.
I hope you see this
Ida Lena Delic; you are truly my best friend. There isn't a day that passes by that I haven't stopped to realize how lucky I REALLY am to have you in my life. I love you, til forever.
Sincerely,
Shnooks
Washing my hands
Seems like the relationships I've been in have fallen apart at the seams. For awhile I thought the problem was me, and that I was not living up to the expectations of others.
I'm afraid that I've been writing about love without knowing what it truly means.
I feel like a liar. I wrote pretty things, never quite saying what I meant for people to understand.
Starting over.
I'm afraid that I've been writing about love without knowing what it truly means.
I feel like a liar. I wrote pretty things, never quite saying what I meant for people to understand.
Starting over.
Wondering
"I often wonder if I'll ever finish all I've started, and the answer I have found is NO.
No, I will never finish all that I have started because life is about doing, the process
And not the result. Life is about doing whether you want to or not."
No, I will never finish all that I have started because life is about doing, the process
And not the result. Life is about doing whether you want to or not."
Taking a look back to the past I realize it isn't what I had wanted for myself at the time.
But right at this moment I could NOT be more thankful for what I have, because I know I would have never had any of this if it weren't for those perfect mistakes.
Set Your Goals, you make me ramble on and on and on about nothing.
Smokeroomclub
More like joke room club?
Kidding, that's Coven. It's pretty good for recording on a macbook, check 'em out. Missed him while he was home, hopefully I'll catch him over Christmas break.
http://www.myspace.com/smokeroomclub
I'm wearing gloves as I type. I am FREEZING. Just came here to spread word about Alex. I'll write something later.
Kidding, that's Coven. It's pretty good for recording on a macbook, check 'em out. Missed him while he was home, hopefully I'll catch him over Christmas break.
http://www.myspace.com/smokeroomclub
I'm wearing gloves as I type. I am FREEZING. Just came here to spread word about Alex. I'll write something later.
Ramble
I've been taken advantage of. Lots of people don't like me, few do and I know exactly why.
Everyone has bad days, seems like I have them often.
It's hard for me to open my mouth. I hardly snatch at opportunities that won't come 'round again.
Awkward situations more than likely make up my life.
I decorate my room with lights. If I could I'd sleep all day.
If I carved faces into carrots and passed them out on Halloween maybe America's kids wouldn't be fat.
I only eat lunch, other than that I'll pass on food. Coffee keeps me alive. Marlboro will be the death of me.
I want a romance that can't be compared to a book or a movie. Something that belongs to me, and you.
I giggle in hallways and find it difficult to not smile all the time. I can't stop singing, and you'll never hear it.
Most people, kidding; all people have weaknesses, I have too many to list.
Everything seems so fucking interesting to me. I take walks everyday, even in the snow.
My hands are constantly ice, I should invest in mittens or have someone hold them all the time.
I don't like being hit on, it makes me uncomfortable.
I can't keep up with myself, I don't know how to make decisions effectively. I feel older than I am.
I need to put down these brain spurts of nothing-ness so I can sleep once in awhile.
I'm off to bed, my eyes are heavy.
Funday
It's been a deathcabforcutie-take a walk and a smoke-read a book-tap your foot kind of day.
And that's exactly what I did. I'm going to get comfortable with blankets and tea, watch some movies. I'll write in my notebook with my black felt pen.
How was your weekend?
Mine was great.
And that's exactly what I did. I'm going to get comfortable with blankets and tea, watch some movies. I'll write in my notebook with my black felt pen.
How was your weekend?
Mine was great.
Motto
"we love without knowing it. a man, or a woman, can't love on schedule. i don't wake up in the morning and say "i shall start loving at nine-twenty, and continue until ten-fifteen." yes love is accidental and it's everywhere - it's the wind, the tide, the waves, the sunshine. "
I can't stop reading it.
I can't stop reading it.
I can't stop reading it.
I can't stop reading it.
I can't stop reading it.
I can't stop reading it.
With eyes wide shut
I'm just looking for a change.
I can taste another lonely Christmas, and I can not feel anything towards it.
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