Hey Moon,

please forget to go down.

Ohpf

I lack skills :'(

Think thank thunk

I am so tired of those ashamed.

I love freckles, scars, and bruises and any sort of contusion. I am constantly in wonder of people and bodies and I don't hesitate to share myself with those I connect with. People sharing lips on couches and in ice frosted cars, being hurt and living the pain, finding pieces of smell on clothes reminding you I was there; these are all wonderfully beautiful to me and hiding such sensational thrills is beyond anything I can comprehend.

Why can't others be more like me? I bet that now you see me as a rhetorical asshole, and if that's the case I'd love it said to my face.

OH

Fuck,
I am lost in an
apathetic situation of words

Different

I want to fly away, I want to let go of my vices; I'm spinning, falling.

I try, I can say that much.
My habits, they're the bane of my existence
and I swear they're holding me down; keeping me here.
But the fact that I'll never know,
says it all.
This road to hell is long enough for me to figure out what's right.

~

A lot like the wind, always somewhere; changing me.

Beautiful

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."

Just for you,

no others.

"Like, you go your whole life thinking you know what you want. And then you meet that one person and it's as if you have to question your own existence to be sure you're there in that moment. It's just amazing, everything changes"

This is real with you, I can feel it through your soul and I'm finding myself in your eyes that act as a reflection of my own being. No magic tricks; fog and mirrors. We have our share of secrets but we stand open, "we set no wall."

I feel new, more alive than I have in over a year. I wasn't expecting you, let alone anything. And I guess that's what happens, the ripest of fruit falls from the top; knocks you out senseless. Put all guard down, and feel.

Spheres of Fury

It's times like these I'm glad I waste time on the computer

Beyond

words

Lullaby, lullaby

Baby pull your covers up and start your sleeping
Start your dreaming
Kiss the sky
No one comes around this town on the weekends
So you're safe in this bed
You're safe for some time

I'll follow you around this playground
And burn your troubles in the sun
I'll follow you six feet under
And give life back to you
My love

I took care of the kids on the balcony
I gave them tea and dried their eyes
All of your troubles are on top of me
But your troubles are sweet
They're sweet like wine

Not good

I'm afraid to quit smoking because I'm afraid of gaining more weight.

Over

I'm beyond everyone, I swear. I'm past getting down on my knees, praying, no - begging, for understanding and acceptance. I'm past the humiliation; past asking for help.

I feel better than so many people, I'm ready for a fight.

I don't want to understand this world and the people in it. I don't see a point, you're all liars and this is a nightmare.

And when it comes to myself I feel like a stranger day by day, constantly changing. Never the same as when I wake. But I understand, I feel, I know.

Try me.

Old Livejournal nothings;

So far, every loss has been a soul shake for me to move on. Broken trust is only a side effect. I'll love you until the end of the day, I don't believe in forever. To me, letting go is better than maintaining control. No good has ever come from over thinking things. Eventually, everyone feels just how you do. It's time for you to wake up.

It's taken me about a year to find out what I want. And that year, well, it really shook me up.
I've said I've wanted something real before, and I simply wasn't ready.
I was young and naive, there was no way I could have prepared for what had hit me so fast.
So here I am, I am whole. I may be a little wrinkled and such, but I am a whole being, that knows what she wants.
I want security and certainty. I want honesty, and devotion.
I want to see my reflection in someone's eye, while they see their heart in mine.
I want everything from you, and nothing more.
I guess I don't want to notice the world around you, whoever you are.

"I wanted a man who’d experienced pain at one point in his life. I needed someone who wouldn’t be reckless with my heart, who knew what it felt like to hurt. I wanted a man, not a boy. I didn’t want a man afraid of loss but one who wanted me out of joy, out of preference. And I needed to live that way myself, to find someone I truly wanted, not just someone who wanted me."

People are ashamed to feel, to show how they feel.
People are happy, but they don't jump up and laugh.
People are sad, but they don't cry out for help.
People are mad, but they don't scream out in anger.
People are loved, but they don't show affection towards their paramour.
They'd rather shuffle their feet, and let their head hang low; than look up and see how beautiful the world around them truly is.
Call me crazy, but I think that's true.

Nostalgia.
It's always creeping in on me, drifting into the corners of my mind, stirring up old memories covered in dust.
I miss how things used to be, even though I'm a much happier person at this point in time, than I was let's say a year or two ago.
So why do I miss something that wasn't the best for me?
That I don't know, but I do know there are times I miss my past.
Do I think that by falling back into that hole, I can fix the things I did?
In the suppressed inter-workings of my mind, I'm sure I do.
But I can't fully admit to that.
I've simply just been thinking.

~Every person I've hurt haunts me at night and I've hurt quite a few people - and I haven't slept my whole life time
~a broken heart can't hold love.
~It scares me, knowing that I've been the one who has hurt myself the most in my lifetime.
It's breaking me, it really is.
~People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do,
or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain

<333333333

I_Love_You

ugh*

I am just so utterly sick of you finding me every time I hide. Ruining things for me every time you come back around. I don't understand, you've left your mark - I've been scarred. Haven't you had enough? You let me slip right through your hands, I got away.

I didn't fight to save the love you never showed me, I just wanted my sanity. Shouldn't you know our fate by now?

This isn't goodbye, this is I hate you.

But I pray to God every night you'll find who's right for you some day, because it isn't me - not anymore.

Not that bad of a person

I'm not greedy but I love being right. I enjoy straight vodka and the blurry memory that comes with it.

I've been happy hiding behind my styrofoam coffee cup thinking I'm adored by those who will never know who I really am. The gas station workers and Circle K employees feel like my last hope. I'll listen to the radio, have another cigarette.

Sure, I don't take the greatest care of myself. I don't sleep and I take my pills.
I don't hurt others. I make soup for my family when they're sick. I stand behind my decisions.

I'm glad I'm me, I'm proud of myself.

And I'm fine with the ramble I spit out.

The lack of light

I miss star filled eyes, mess making, knot tied tongues, sun burnt skin, mints after dinner, window reflections, not forgetting, being better than the lies I had breathed in, impulsive decisions, writing letters for my lover, the diets of rice cakes and cigarettes.

I've got cabin fever in my mind again. This snowfall, it's beautiful but it's keeping me in when I'm meant to be out.



Oh there's words creepin' up my spine, I just can't let 'em out.

:s

We're born to grow up, discover the world, then discover ourselves. But have I done something wrong to have found myself while sitting still?

Can't help but///

Every part of you is encouraged by the other, beautifully diversified. All dependent on each, hardly fleeting. You're incredible.

the 100th post

And it's about how I couldn't have thought of any better way to have spent my new years than with you. Falling fast, I know my wasted heart can love you, because it already does. I can't begin explain how amazing it feels to be close to someone again, not only physically but through our souls as well. And to look up and know you're just across the room.

Hopefully I'm giving you something to believe in, because you're giving me reasons to sleep at night.