Old Livejournal nothings;

So far, every loss has been a soul shake for me to move on. Broken trust is only a side effect. I'll love you until the end of the day, I don't believe in forever. To me, letting go is better than maintaining control. No good has ever come from over thinking things. Eventually, everyone feels just how you do. It's time for you to wake up.

It's taken me about a year to find out what I want. And that year, well, it really shook me up.
I've said I've wanted something real before, and I simply wasn't ready.
I was young and naive, there was no way I could have prepared for what had hit me so fast.
So here I am, I am whole. I may be a little wrinkled and such, but I am a whole being, that knows what she wants.
I want security and certainty. I want honesty, and devotion.
I want to see my reflection in someone's eye, while they see their heart in mine.
I want everything from you, and nothing more.
I guess I don't want to notice the world around you, whoever you are.

"I wanted a man who’d experienced pain at one point in his life. I needed someone who wouldn’t be reckless with my heart, who knew what it felt like to hurt. I wanted a man, not a boy. I didn’t want a man afraid of loss but one who wanted me out of joy, out of preference. And I needed to live that way myself, to find someone I truly wanted, not just someone who wanted me."

People are ashamed to feel, to show how they feel.
People are happy, but they don't jump up and laugh.
People are sad, but they don't cry out for help.
People are mad, but they don't scream out in anger.
People are loved, but they don't show affection towards their paramour.
They'd rather shuffle their feet, and let their head hang low; than look up and see how beautiful the world around them truly is.
Call me crazy, but I think that's true.

Nostalgia.
It's always creeping in on me, drifting into the corners of my mind, stirring up old memories covered in dust.
I miss how things used to be, even though I'm a much happier person at this point in time, than I was let's say a year or two ago.
So why do I miss something that wasn't the best for me?
That I don't know, but I do know there are times I miss my past.
Do I think that by falling back into that hole, I can fix the things I did?
In the suppressed inter-workings of my mind, I'm sure I do.
But I can't fully admit to that.
I've simply just been thinking.

~Every person I've hurt haunts me at night and I've hurt quite a few people - and I haven't slept my whole life time
~a broken heart can't hold love.
~It scares me, knowing that I've been the one who has hurt myself the most in my lifetime.
It's breaking me, it really is.
~People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do,
or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain

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